Hi, Linds!

Over the years, I have commiserated with many folks over the pain of a childhood spent with an uncommon name (or spelling) that never appears in mass-produced goods. No decorating your bike with a properly-embossed fake license plate. Always settling for the initial-only personalized keychain. Resigning yourself to a never-ending string of generic novelty items: no tourist mugs or vacation t-shirts or “So-and-so’s Room! Stay out!” signs ever speaking uniquely for you.

Although “Emily” (the name I generally go by irl) has become quite common now, for many many years it belonged to just me and the creepy old neighbor lady with the yard full of rotting crabapples. I still remember the shock I felt in 1983 when a stranger shouted “Emily, come back here!”–and I realized she was speaking not to me, but to her own toddler companion. Prior to that, the only time I had ever heard my name called out to someone other than myself was on an episode of TV in which Gilligan adopts a duck as a pet for some reason–and he names her Emily. (No one that I knew ever talked to the crabapple woman.)

Believe you me it is still salt in an old wound every time I now see Emily pendant necklaces at a store, and remember the grade-school indignity of always having to settle for just a decorative E hanging around my neck.*grumble grumble these spoiled kids today grumble*

I come now to bring hope to those still suffering from this injustice of the consumer culture: hope born of the fact that proofreading is hard. I give you…


Linds' Diet CokeEither this is a typo for Linda, or “Linds” has become a much more popular name recently than I had any idea. (And if so, please share a soda with your friend Linds–it’s on me!–and pass along my sincere apologies for not realizing zie even existed.)

And don’t feel bad, Coke. I taught English, and I understand. Spelling IS hard.

Even for multinational corporations spending untold millions on a massive marketing campaign to faux-personalize our consumptive habits.

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