I’ve got some reading material to recommend to you today, a website I found at once horrifying and reassuring. Hildi suggested I might want to start you off with something gentle — a bread crumb of cuteness you could reference to get back out of the Rabbit Hole, should you decide to follow me down.
She also thought a picture of herself was the best way to reach the necessary cuteness quotient.
Thanks to Natalie Luhrs and her fantastic weekly links posts over at Pretty Terrible^, I recently came across just the site that I needed — at just the moment that I needed it. Given what I know about You, my lovely Readers, I have a hunch that some of you will want to explore about this site too (or may at least find it interesting).
The website is called Down the Rabbit Hole: The world of estranged parents’ forums.
“For several years now I’ve followed blogs about narcissists and other abusers, written by victims of abuse. They’re powerful tools for recovery, and powerful testimonials to the impact of emotional abusers on other people’s lives. What’s been missing is the abusers’ perspective on the abuse. The narcissists I see online don’t write about their relationships with their children and close friends; they hardly write about their own partners, except as props in the narcissist’s ongoing drama. I assumed that there was no way to get the abusers’ side of the story, that abusers are smart enough to not incriminate themselves in their own blogs, and like hell would they get together with other abusers to discuss abuse.
“I was wrong.”
Down the Rabbit Hole summarizes a massive inquiry project begun in 2011 by the blogger Issendai in order “[t]o document attitudes and behavioral patterns common on estranged parents’ forums, and to analyze the information in light of psychological theories and estranged adult children’s experiences.”
I found the summary of hir research to be thorough, compelling, well-organized, and fascinating. [Well, and I found it all horrifyingly familiar, too — but I recognize your mileage may vary.]
“If you’re an estranged adult child and you’re looking for a way to get your parents to hear what the problem is, I’m sorry, but you have your answer already. They don’t want to know. They may be incapable of knowing. There are no magic words that will penetrate their defenses.
“The good news is that you’re free. You can stop now. If you need permission, I’ll give it to you: You are hereby allowed to stop trying to get through to your willfully deaf parents.
You can read the rest here.
And don’t worry — me and the cats will be waiting right here in the daylight for you, whenever you get done.
[^What do you mean you’re not already following the goodness that is Natalie Luhrs’ blog?? Well…go subscribe now. I’ll wait. You can thank me later. I’m partial to dark chocolates and bright flowers.]