Body Lessons (Genealogy of an Orgasm)

[CN: rape, rape’s aftermath, emotional abuse.]

This piece can now be found at The Manifest-Station.



# # #

Shame thrives in isolation and silence. Thank you for witnessing these stories, and for lessening my burden by doing so. 

I invite all who would like — whether you typically comment on blogs or not — to share in the comments any part of this post that resonated for you, any memories it may have brought up, or any other thoughts you wish to convey. 

❤ alice

“Body Lessons (Genealogy of an Orgasm)” is part of an ongoing memory project. 
The entire series can be found here.

[Image: L’Origine du monde. Painting by Courbet (1866). Discretion by Alice (2016).]


26 thoughts on “Body Lessons (Genealogy of an Orgasm)

  1. Alice…all I can say is WOW!!! You blow me away with your honesty and the guts to share your most inner secrets,wars and conflicts with trying to conform to what society says what is rights or wrong…pretty or ugly and fat verses the skinnys of this world.
    I can relate to you in so many ways. I have the upmost respect for what you have accomplished with your log. I look foreward to following you. Color your world prettyin anyway you find fitting 🙂


    1. Thank you!! I’m so appreciative of what you say — cuz to be honest, writing this particular post took A LOT out of me. 🙂

      Glad to have you along for the ride!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Though I’m not sure I understand — do you mean ‘love myself’ as in “whew, I sure do think I’m a great person and I like being me”? Or do you hope I learn to love myself like “wow, Me, Myself, and My Vibrator sure do bring the roof down every time we tickle our ivories”?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s hard to pin down what specifically resonated with me. I’m probably going to fumble around with the description, but it was kind of all of it and yet none of it. In the specifics, few of my experiences fit; however, after reading through this piece, my own version is cascading through my head like watching a Slinky go down the stairs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am not sure what your version consists of, exactly, so in my head I have dubbed this metaphor “The Slinky of Shame”! And I am completely in love with it already.

      Your comment gets at what I think is so amazingly human about storytelling: how stories beget stories. How our experiences tie together in ways that often transcend their particular details.


  3. Several years ago, my husband and I went to see a marriage counselor – who also happened to be a sex counselor – when we were enduring some chronic, awful health issues that severely impacted our marriage and our sex lives. Best decision ever. I would recommend it for basically everyone regardless of whether you have “problems” in your relationship/sex/orgasm or not – it can always be better! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad to hear that helped! I know a number of couples who see a relationship counselor (or who have in the past), but I don’t know if any of those therapists also specialized in sex specifically? Yet another topic we don’t generally talk about or hear talked about, except in as jokes in a certain type of comedy…

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Sigh. Shame is so pervasive and destructive, isn’t it? Leads to such imposed silence about girls’/women’s bodies, our sexualities, our lives… It hurts my heart. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that. And you describe how I see this, too–just naming the situation already changes it.

      And thank you for your consistent support of these heavy posts of mine! The topics of which do not, I realize, lend themselves easily to commenting. Unlike a certain McBoaty we both know and love…


  4. Oh, Alice. ““When we’re in bed together, I am myself still all the way to my feet!” I told him once, almost clapping with excitement. “Even down though my feet, I can feel myself loving you.”

    I can imagine the delight in this, the intimacy, and it makes me so happy you felt this with someone at least once. And it breaks my heart that it was not responded to in kind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’ve captured pretty closely how I feel about this moment, too. 🙂 Yes, being so open made the eventual betrayal cut that much deeper — but the outcome does not redefine the moment itself, nor take away the ongoing potential it represents.


    1. Thank you. I don’t underestimate the difficulty some of these posts hold for readers. I am moved you trusted me enough to start it, and glad you were careful for yourself as you moved through.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s been a while since I’ve cried while reading one of your posts, but for today…this is beautiful and honest and if you would allow it, and I hope feel the love behind it, I am sending the biggest hug to you through this screen. You are awesome {{{{ HUG }}}}

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh sweetie. Thanks! And a big ol’ {{{{ HUG }}}} to you too!

      Y’know, there’s a weird thing about writing these pieces. Once they’re done, I completely forget about how they will seem to other people! I’m already well into the “laughing at my own jokes” phase of self-appreciation…

      So thank you for reminding me about the world of readership outside my head — and while I don’t wish tears on anyone, the compliments of “beautiful and honest” mean a very great much. xo alice


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