In Which Alice Flirts with her New Crush!

The evening started harmlessly enough, psyching myself up for the inevitable horror that will be the third and final presidential debate the way any normal gal does: drinking wine and tweeting quotes about tampons…

By the way, any of y’all who Twitter do follow @ESTBLSHMNT*, yes? Cuz if not, you wanna get on that PRONTO.

*The Establishment, as you may or may not know (but, like, TOTALLY WANNA KNOW), is an online women’s magazine and not “the establishment” that folks get so grumbly about, politically speaking. Though that hasn’t stopped some folks from grumbling at them on Twitter!



Exactly why is @ESTBLSHMNT the single greatest magazine twitter account out there, you may be asking?


the (un)funny feminist crashes an OB/GYN convention: Vaginal Imperialism

[EDITOR NOTE: It has been brought to this unfunny feminist’s attention that during an earlier attempt at sharing this story, the Interwebs themselves were so entertained that they completely snarfled the post. Our apologies for the technical snafu, and we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog entertainment!]

I laugh because I love.
Finally answering the question: “Can a man ever really be funny?”

I realize it’s been quite awhile since my last (un)funny feminist post. But ever since I first watched Matthew Broussard’s recent stand-up performance on Conan I’ve been feeling terribly, terribly sad at the thought of anyone being deprived of this pleasure.

And so, without further ado:

Heeeeere’s Matthew!

[Please join me for a party in the comment section after viewing. Attendees are invited to share your favorite lines and/or your best digital representation of laughter! Adult beverages to be provided at no extra charge.]

Continue reading “the (un)funny feminist crashes an OB/GYN convention: Vaginal Imperialism”

the (un)funny feminist falls in love: Man who has it all

I laugh because I love.
What to get, this holiday season, for the feminist in your life who already has it all? BELLY LAUGHS.

[Music plays softly, then rises in a swell. A voice begins to sing.]

Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger.
You may see a stranger across a crowded roomerm, Twitter feed. 

And somehow you know, you know even then,
That somewhere you’ll see him again and again.

On Tumblr, perhaps…

…or on Facebook.

(via Facebook)

Yes, Man who has it all — it’s true. Some of us actually do!

Not all of us, though.

Pick carefully.

Or expect to be playing dumb alot.

Some enchanted evening, someone may be laughing.
You may hear him laughing across a crowded room Twitter feed. 

Or, yknow, that could just be me you hear laughing.


You’re probably hearing me.  Continue reading “the (un)funny feminist falls in love: Man who has it all”

In honor of Halloween, a shout-out to my homie Pat Robertson!

Running a quick review of my to-do list from last year, appears I’m still slacking off in the same area.

Tsk tsk, Alice. Gotta do better by next October!

coffee and a blank page

Source: 1992 Iowa fundraising letter opposing a state equal-rights amendment Text source: 1992 Iowa fundraising letter opposing a state equal-rights amendment

Alice’s To-Do List:

Leave my husband(Though technically, I suppose we left each other.) 

Kill my children(Murdering my darlings counts, yes?)

Practice witchcraft(In my experience, Wiccan spellcrafter and amateur mixologist have much in common, including reliance on pomegranate pips and an excess of fresh-squeezed lemon juice.)

Χ Destroy capitalism

Become a lesbian(More than once, happy to report!)

VERDICT: 4 out of 5

(Not too shabby!)

# # #

[10/30/14: HOUSEKEEPING NEWS: The blog’s About page got a much-overdue makeover. “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blogger” can now be found here, for them what’s interested.

All my thanks–or possibly my apologies–to Wallace Stevens for the inspiration.]

(Image credit: Uh…every Pinterest board managed by a feminist ever. Also, here.)

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A True Friend Brings Her Own Machete

Ours is a love affair born in the foetid swamp of Facebook and nurtured on its violent shores of commentary.

Christina Pettersson. We Are No Longer in the Land of Kings. 2008. graphite on paper.
Christina Pettersson. We Are No Longer in the Land of Kings. 2008. graphite on paper.

My informal courtship of this Facebook friend began when she linked to the most amazing comic strip about a morally ambiguous honey badger. I immediately staked a claim to the artist, in that manner of fanboy adoration only possible when one has never met the person in question — and is highly unlikely to ever do so.


Her: I will fight you for her.

Me: I will pull out your rib cage and wear it as a hat, for her.

Her: I like that about you.

Me: I thought you might. ^

But as we all know, most online flirtations only go so far. It generally takes more than a shared appreciation for cartoons about an African carnivore that don’t give a sh!t for true bonds to flourish.

Like, say, placing the same value on the importance of being neighborly.

[later that week]

Her: Good neighbors loan you a machete, no questions asked. Good friends bring their own shovels and only ask where to dig.

Me: I think I might put you on speed dial, friend.

Her: “Have shovel, will travel.”

Me: Ditto!

Given this auspicious beginning, I think it’s quite understandable that when she made an innocuous post about yard work the following month, I at first misunderstood her meaning.
Continue reading “A True Friend Brings Her Own Machete”