The evening started harmlessly enough, psyching myself up for the inevitable horror that will be the third and final presidential debate the way any normal gal does: drinking wine and tweeting quotes about tampons…
By the way, any of y’all who Twitter do follow@ESTBLSHMNT*, yes? Cuz if not, you wanna get on that PRONTO.
*The Establishment, as you may or may not know (but, like, TOTALLY WANNA KNOW), is an online women’s magazine and not“the establishment” that folks get so grumbly about, politically speaking. Though that hasn’t stopped some folks from grumbling at them on Twitter!
Exactly why is @ESTBLSHMNT the single greatest magazine twitter account out there, you may be asking?
[EDITOR NOTE: It has been brought to this unfunny feminist’s attention that during an earlier attempt at sharing this story, the Interwebs themselves were so entertained that they completely snarfled the post. Our apologies for the technical snafu, and we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog entertainment!]
I realize it’s been quite awhile since my last (un)funny feminist post. But ever since I first watched Matthew Broussard’s recent stand-up performance on Conan I’ve been feeling terribly, terribly sad at the thought of anyone being deprived of this pleasure.
And so, without further ado:
[Please join me for a party in the comment section after viewing. Attendees are invited to share your favorite lines and/or your best digital representation of laughter! Adult beverages to be provided at no extra charge.]
Ours is a love affair born in the foetid swamp of Facebook and nurtured on its violent shores of commentary.
My informal courtship of this Facebook friend began when she linked to the most amazing comic strip about a morally ambiguous honey badger. I immediately staked a claim to the artist, in that manner of fanboy adoration only possible when one has never met the person in question — and is highly unlikely to ever do so.
Me: I’M IN LOVE.
Her: I will fight you for her.
Me: I will pull out your rib cage and wear it as a hat, for her.
Her: I like that about you.
Me: I thought you might. ^
But as we all know, most online flirtations only go so far. It generally takes more than a shared appreciation for cartoons about an African carnivore that don’t give a sh!t for true bonds to flourish.
Like, say, placing the same value on the importance of being neighborly.
[later that week]
Her: Good neighbors loan you a machete, no questions asked. Good friends bring their own shovels and only ask where to dig.
Me: I think I might put you on speed dial, friend.